I know I have...

...a job. ;)

Husson School of Pharmacy Granted Pre-Candidate Status

I greatly miss...

...my clothesline.

Maine has been drenched lately in an unending barrage of rainy weather. Aside from the general malaise that prolonged inclement weather can bring, it also brings with it many inconveniences.

-I've found myself letting laundry pile up, in hopes that I won't have to use my dryer.
-The grass has grown to an ungodly level, both due to the excessive rain as nourishment AND the fact that we can't mow the lawn while the grass is wet.
-Since my injury sustained during my May 4 mile race, I've been afraid of running in the rain or in wet situations. I know I need to get over it...but still.
-Alyssa is going freakin' nuts. The poor child has had limited outdoor time. I think tonight or tomorrow might be an official puddle jumping night for us. Just to get some of the crazy out. She's spent more time in the McDonald's playplace in the past week than I'd really like to think about.
-My sweet little tan that I'd started to develop has started to fade.
-There is so much standing water near our house that we'll be suffering a major influx of bugs and pests.
-WHSjr built a sweet little fire pit a few weeks back...and we've been completely unable to use it...
-Which brings me to grilling. Summer time is supposed to mean grill time!
-Two trips up mountains have been canceled due to the poor weather. I've yet to climb anything this 'summer'. NOT COOL.
-Not being able to leave the windows open for fear of rain getting into the house.
-I CAN'T FIND GALOSHES ANYWHERE!!! At least if I had a cute pair of galoshes I'd feel a little better about life.

But, there is one advantage: I have my beautiful umbrella from my friends at Bella Luna to keep me dry. If you are looking for a fun shop with big town flair and a local feel and hospitality...go visit Bella Luna. These umbrellas are to die for and they're very high quality. At only $30, they're an absolute steal.

I guess I'll suck it up for now and throw my clothes in the dryer. Rain, rain - go away.

Dave Ramsey...

...has already started to change our family tree.

Believe it or not, this story starts with a missing library book.

Alyssa lost one of her library books this spring and on Monday was informed that she couldn't have her report card with an outstanding library book, and if she didn't find the book, we would have to pay to replace it. Now, mind you, the book was only $4 ... but that wasn't the point. We explained to Alyssa that we'd need to take some money from Wilbur (her piggy bank) and work out a list of chores to do to work off the cost of the book.

Yesterday was Alyssa's last day of school. We paid for the book and she came home with her report card and a slew of other papers. It was a bittersweet moment for me. As a celebration for her last day of school, we told her she could climb in bed with me and watch Wall-E. I, being a slightly sleepy and drained Mama right now, dozed off. I woke to Alyssa yelling and exclaiming, "MOM! LOOK! I DID IT!" I opened my eyes to see that Alyssa had pulled her first tooth all by herself. (the fact that she was able to do that is a topic for another blog another time.) We cleaned it off, put it in an envelope and put it under her pillow. This morning, she awoke to a one dollar bill under her pillow.

"What are you going to do with it?" I asked.
"I'm going to put it towards the library book." She responded quickly.
I paused.
"You're going to do what?"
"I'm going to use it to pay you back for the library book."
::insert Mama swelling with pride::
I looked at her and smile. "You know, this is a special dollar. I think you can use this dollar to do whatever you want with. You don't need to pay back the library book with that dollar."
"Then I want to put it in Wilbur."

You got it, folks. Alyssa's first reaction was to pay off debt and the second was to save. Sure, she might not have realized it...but that is what happened!

For those of you who don't listen to Dave Ramsey, start. Go to daveramsey.com and start reading. Before long, you'll be saying phrases like, "Live like no one else, so someday you can live like no one else." or "I'm not taking part in this recession." or my favorite, "I'm better than I deserve." Dave gives financial advice that our grandparents used to abide by. He helps millions of people get out of debt all the time. Listen to his show on Fridays and listen to people call in to scream "I'MMMMMM DEBBBTTTT FREEEEEEE!!!" Start with the babysteps and move your way to financial freedom. ;)

And, as Dave would say, "change your family tree".

Despite my best efforts...

...I cannot always control the irrationality that comes with being a girl. ;)

I spent much of yesterday afternoon feeling very proud, but kind of defeated in regards to my place in the PhD search. WHSjr seemed completely baffled as to my take on it...because he insisted I was first to find out aside from the people that were physically there. From my perspective, I had no phone call, no text messages and when I finally text messaged him, he said, "Didn't you see it posted on facebook?" I really was convinced that he took the time to past on facebook and didn't take the time to call me. Even though, if I had been rational, I would have known that not to be the case. But, the girlie brain just kind of takes over sometimes...despite my efforts to be rational. One of the benefits to hanging around mostly guys all my life is training myself to be a more rational person. Most of the time, I can examine my natural reaction to things and think, "That is totally irrational." and then I fight it. It saves me from having to apologize for stupid, rash and insane decision making later. ;) Unfortunately, I can't always fight it.

Today he told me that he had sent me a g-chat as soon as it was done. I hadn't been infront of my computer and was off preparing to celebrate with him...I never got the message. I was, infact, one of the first people he told. And last night, instead of going out and being a wild man (which he totally earned, by the way), he came home and we sat on the porch and chatted for a bit. And it was then that he said, "I want to thank you for everything." And with just that...my faith is restored that all of my stress and heartache over the past period of time did not go unseen. Oh Audrey...ye of little faith.

"Life moves pretty fast...

...if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

Tomorrow is Alyssa's last day of kindergarten. How is that possible? It seems like WHSjr and I were just putting her on the bus for her first day!!! Her teeth are still wiggling and she's about to embark on her very first real summer vacation.

Top it all of with her 6th birthday on Monday.

I'm determined NOT to spend all of my time looking at baby pictures and crying. ;)

It isn't easy...

...to be the support system.


WHSjr turns 31 today. Imagine, we were just 14 and 16 when we started dating...during round one. ;) Next month will be the 15 year anniversary of our meeting. Hard to believe.

I'm proud to report that WHSjr passed his orals and his proposal defense today. He is officially a PhD candidate. It has been a very stressful and exhausting period of time. And I'd just like to give a shout out to all of the unsung heroes in the quest for higher education: The spouses and the parents. It is a horribly helpless feeling to sit back and watch someone you love be so stressed out and working so hard, and literally having NOTHING you can contribute. I can only imagine it being similar to watching your partner give birth. Gut wrenching, really. Sure, it wasn't my ass on the line...but I've lost more sleep over all of this...and it has nothing to do with whether or not he'd pass. It had everything to do with the stress he was under. Trying to make things as simple as possible on every other front...and anyone else in a similar situation can tell you this: It is a thankless position. Heck, after everything, I wasn't even third to find out that it was over and he had passed. And I get it, there are other obligations. There are people to meet with, there are papers to fill out and there is hob-nobbing to do. And that is part of this postion, too. My friend Jamie once told me that a person persues a PhD not for money, but for passion. And the truth is, my place in this passion is a distant and low priority...and it is a humbling experience for me to learn to accept that. So, much love to the others in this position...I know you're not allowed to say it outloud ever...but I'm acknowledging it for you...it is hard and deep down, you're appreciated.

I can do anything...

...which includes creating my own 5k. ;)

You're invited. Please come. Please RSVP.

http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?event=EKBKMOOFFCUISKQTKBEL&inviteId=PJMOKMBERSQDRDZAUSNM&showPreview=false&x=389945732

What a wonderful world...

...that this is the only reality Alyssa knows.

Whether or not you support President Obama, whether or not you voted for him or agree with him...no one can deny this: It is a wonderful world that this generation and every generation to follow will never know a world where this picture is out of the ordinary. What an amazing and remarkable thing. This picture really touched me...

...and what touched me even more is that Alyssa had NO CLUE why it touched me so much.

(oh, and the girls in the back are the Obama children. No Michelle in the picture...because Alyssa wants to marry President Obama, and Michelle just gets in the way of that. ;))

Running has become...

...my therapy.

Back on New Year's Eve this year, I was having a conversation about (what else?) resolutions. Two of my friends and I started talking about healthy living and exercise and about my first 5k experience on Thanksgiving Day weekend in 2008. After a few sips of champagne, we decided that the best resolution would be to run at least one 5k in each month that one was available in 2009. I dedicated myself to doing it. I agreed to do it thinking that no one would run a 5k in the Winter in Maine.

I was wrong.

I started in January 2009, and since that time, I have completed seven more races. It has been a life changing experience for me. I'm certainly not GOOD at running...but I've come to FEEL GOOD while running, and that is a huge experience for me. I treasure my time running. When I go without it, I feel my energy and my self-esteem slip away. While I'm running, I swear I'm torturing myself...and when I'm done, I feel like there is nothing I can't accomplish. I have learned a lot about myself through running and honestly feel like a better and more stable person because of it.

Since running, I've:
- worn out a pair of sneakers for the first time in my life
- learned that winning IS NOT everything
- started to expect more out of myself and not resign myself to the notion that all my good days are behind me
- come to remember that I'm blessed with the ability to run...there are many out there that can't.
- decided to be an inspiration to Alyssa and other "penguins" out there. (penguins are a term for 'non-runners' who run. We don't look like gazelle's running...we look like penguins. And that is okay. You'd be amazed at how many of us are out there.)
- realized that being strong is sexy. I might not look any different after a run, but I feel like I should be on the cover of Cosmo giving up all my dirty little secrets. ;)
- stopped looking at the scale for validation. I don't have any idea how much I weigh, and I realized that is okay.
- watched my pulse drop from in the high 90's to the low 70's.
- stopped looking at food like the enemy. I look at food like it is supposed to be looked at: as fuel.
- met so many amazing people on the same journey as me. I feel like we know this big secret that everyone else is in the dark on.

My streak is in danger this month. There are no 5k races in Maine that I can run, due to personal and professional obligations. I refuse to miss my date and want to create my own 5k "race"/run/walk. I want to get some other people that I know, love and respect and have a leisurely 5k in the greater Bangor area. I want some of my friends and family to realize that this isn't an event to be afraid of. I want people to learn something about themselves and do something healthy for themselves and their family. It is only 3.1 miles. Even if you walk, you can be done in an hour. An hour. How short is that? It only sounds scary...but 5k is incredibly short. I think if I can pull this off and have a 'race' with my friends, it will not only keep my streak alive, but possibly be the most important race I'll be in all year.

Please let me know if you're interested and we'll start working on a date.

"The miracle isn't that I finished, the miracle is that I had the courage to start."

Slowly upstairs...

...faster down.

Jethro Tull lyrics from "We Used to Know".

I remember VERY vividly being in second grade with Mrs. Gibbons. I remember watching the clock and having the thought, "Once it is 1:00pm, the rest of the day will go by quickly." The morning was always SO long. Time appeared to drag on at a snails pace when I was seven. Or the time the neighbor kids were coming over to our house. I asked my mom when they'd be at our house. "In an hour." That was the longest hour ever. Only as a grown up did I discover why kids REPEATEDLY ask, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet?AREWETHEREYET?!". They have no concept of time.

So, how does something that seems to drag on at the time go away so fast? The first private 'conversation' I had with Alyssa (at the ripe old age of 1 hour old) was this: "Please, please, please don't grow up as quickly for me as I did for Gert and Gramp." Ahhhh...futility.

At 29, hours are a manic measurement of time. Being told you have an hour to do something implies a certain element of urgency and panic. And, sadly, days, weeks, month and years seem to have a similar urgency to them. Being told you have "one day" to accomplish something just seems unreasonable now. A day is so short. Likewise for the other increments of time. When did it all become so short...and how ridiculous will this statement look in twenty years, when time will presumably be passing even faster?

I've been thinking about time a lot lately.

Today, it has been a year since my grandfather passed. He was the first grandparent I've lost and first member of my immediate family I've lost. In a way, I think my concept of time has been altered because all of the players in my life have stayed the same since my functioning memory began. And I'm grateful and lucky for that. Heck, I still have my great-grandmother. Losing my grandfather wasn't a surprise. He hadn't been well for awhile and hadn't been 'himself' for longer. And any thoughts I had about the aging/death/dying process were permanently altered because of it. I have a horrible tendency of shutting down and blocking out things that overwhelm me. I can have the most discerning blind eye you've ever seen. Alyssa, Jay and I had planned on going to the nursing home on Father's Day last year to visit Papa. It would be the first time I went back by myself in six months, after an unfortunate and upsetting visit that Alyssa and I had gone on by ourselves. We had been talking for two weeks prior about going to see him for Father's Day.

The night that Papa passed, Jay and I had a 'date' night and climbed Dedham Bald Mountain while Alyssa was with Grandpa Wayne and Grammie Artlene, making Father's Day presents. We took pictures, enjoyed our time together and descended the mountain to go home and pick up Alyssa. It was a Thursday. Friday night we were hoping to go to the horse races with my parents. I can't even look at those pictures without getting a pit in my stomach. Papa was slipping away right then... Christopher called me at almost midnight. Now, in a true sign of my complete oblivion to the concept of someone dying...it never occured to me while the phone was ringing that anything bad had happened. I thought they were calling to tell me that he and Nikki were pregnant. Truly. Never once did I consider for a second that someone had passed. When Christopher told me...I argued. Like, not "no! it can't be true!"...but "No. You're wrong. We're going there on Sunday for Father's Day. You're wrong." And honestly believing it. He was wrong. He was mistaken. My parents hadn't called me and Christopher got his news wrong. At one point I threw the phone. It slowly sunk in. And over the next few days, I realized exactly how much one can accomplish while never taking a break to stop crying. The Dane Cook bit where he talks about all the stuff he did while crying - brushed his teeth, checked his emails, drove his car - I did it all. I honestly didn't stop crying for ...well... I don't know how many days.

It has been a year today. I could go on and tell you in great detail about how the following days happened. Emailing my friends that I couldn't go hiking Chick Hill with them on Friday. The frantic searching through the cabinets for food. Christopher's bloody nose. Mom telling me to go hug Nikki because she was very upset and needed me...and feeling totally relieved that someone found me fit to comfort someone else. Explaining to Alyssa that he was gone. Feeling badly that Jay had the strength to hold me during the funeral...and remembering that I was too paralyzed in fear and grief to do the same at his Gram's. A lot of stuff. And it seems so immediate. But it has been a year. A year.

I've been thinking a lot about time lately.

In a week and a half, Alyssa will turn six. Her bottom two teeth are loose. The same teeth that were the first to come in. She informed me that soon, she'll be nine. I don't know where that number came from...but she's right. In just three years. Three super short year. She'll be nine. She is currently a third the way thru childhood. And in three years, she'll be half way. And in the world of this 29 year old, three years is over in an instant...but I know in the mind of my six year old...three years is an eternity. And yet...some day, she'll be (God willing) sitting in a hospital bed, holding a child who is just an hour old and begging that child not to grow as fast as she did for her parents. And I'll be fifty something...begging for the same thing...because evidence has shown, that "Charlie stole the handle and the train it won't stop going, no way to slow down..."

(might as well finish off with another Tull quote. ;))

Dave Matthews Band...

...can match every mood imaginable.

Love struck?
Lover Lay Down

Angry?
Halloween

Devoted?
I'll Back You Up

Hopeful?
Dancing Nancy

Horny?
Crash...or Crush...or Say Goodbye...or...well, most DMB songs. ;)

Solomn?
Where Are You Going?

Heart Broken?
Grace is Gone

Pondering mortality?
Cry Freedom, Tripping Billies, Pig...okay, all the songs that aren't about sex.

There has been so much I've learned, experienced and pondered because of Dave Matthews Band. Sure, that may sound very Fan Girl of me...but it is true. When it comes down to it, Dave Matthews Band has meant more to me than any other music group I've had experience with. Sure, I'll always have a deep love for Jethro Tull because of my parents...and a love of the Beatles for the same. They Might Be Giants is one of my favorite groups...and I'd follow Tool to the ends of the earth to watch them play. But, when it comes down to the one band who has literally changed the spectrum of my life...it will always be DMB above all others.

With lyrics like, "I will go in this way and I'll find my own way out." and "Turns out not where but who you're with that really matters." and "Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I'll work it out." I found strength to think thoughts that I was too scared to think during a time I needed the encouragement most.

Lyrics like, "Do what you will always walk where you like your steps, do as you please, I'll back you up." and "if along the way you are growing weary, you can rest with me till brighter days." helped me think more of other's wellbeing more than my own.

"And if you hold on tight to what you think is your thing, you may find you're missing all the rest." gave me the strength in more than one occasion to remove myself from a bad situation.

So, I know this...my life was actually altered because of the Dave Matthews Band...and I'm happy to still feel as great about them today as I did when I first heard them in high school.

Your evening neither has to be...

...expensive or tedious.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/jadefrog01/sets/72157619542643936/

Argument that it is too expensive and too time consuming to do it yourself?

Busted.

A meal that took less than an hour to prepare and put on the table with only SIX dishes dirtied and for LESS THAN $8. The meal fed a family of three easily and we had left overs.

Additionally, spending $3 for an iced coffee? No way. Have the best iced coffee ever for less than $.50 for two large iced coffees.

$4 for a loaf or artisan bread? Nope. Do 5 minutes of active work and have four loaves of bread ready to bake for up to two weeks for $.40 a loaf!

$7 for a cocktail? Naw. Make your own for less than a buck.

The cost of my dinner for three, bread, two cocktails and two morning iced coffee???

$10.02

Less than one hour of time.

You can afford it.

The best place to start...

...is the beginning.

This has been a long time coming. I've been looking for a place to put my pen to ink (well, fingers to keys...you know what I mean) for some time now. I've been trying to think of a place for me in cyberspace and nothing seemed to fit. I'm not into the "woe is me" blog type, but I'm not knowledgeable enough in anyone one field to warrant a specialized blog. And while I'm a self proclaimed simple girl, I have a wide and complex range of interests. I considered writing about the trials and tribulations of my entrance into the running world. I considered writing about my Pampered Chef business. I considered writing about motherhood and the joys and challenges therein. I considered writing about being thrifty and getting out of debt, Dave Ramsey style. I considered writing about cooking. About travel. About family. About weight loss. About photography. About music. I realized that I was the jack of all trades...master of none. "What a disappointment," I thought, "I have nothing to offer."

But, it turns out...I do.

I'm wise enough to know that I'm a fool. And I'm a fool enough to offer the few pieces of 'wisdom' I have and life experiences. Being a jack of all trades will become my mastery. The road probably won't be coherent...but it will be mine. And as Frank said, "I did it my way."